If you wonder what life is like after 50, here are some clues:
• Bat wings: that upper arm skin which hangs like bat wings if you spread your arms wide as if ready for flight. Wave your hand and the bat-wing waves too.
• Jelly belly: for the second job that older women audition for as a (jelly) belly dancer.
• The dreaded pleated cleavage: where the upper chest wrinkles pleat like an accordion and no one knows where the cleavage begins or ends – otherwise known as corduroy chest.
• Knee knockers: flattened sagging or pendulous breasts like a National Geographic photo of an old third world native lady in a loin cloth.
• Targets: the circles of wrinkled skin around one’s knees and elbows that no amount of exercise or surgery will eliminate.
• Crone hands: Papery thin skin that tents if you pinch it, thin and skeletal fingers with knobby knuckles and thickening nails…
• Bad feet: misshapen by bunions and years of pointy-toe shoes, feet ache if wearing anything other than Crocs or Clarks. Wardrobe now coordinated with orthopaedic shoes and support stockings instead of your favorite stilleto’s now languishing in the spare closet.
• Chicken neck: flaccid, wrinkled skin of the neck area, area under chin hangs like a rooster’s waddle….
• Ears: yes, it is true! Ears do lengthen with age and the lobes can now flap in the slightest breeze like a flag in the wind.
Lord help me past fifty
I cannot go alone…
my parts are not nifty
they sag and I groan!
May I cover the mirrors?
I don’t want to see
that middle aged terror
that’s surely not me!!!