I gaze into a crystal glass of blood-red wine
and see, unbidden, unwanted
a vision of destruction.
A vision so much like the others –
other times, other places.
A death of happiness and peace
too short, too fleeting,
flashing by in mere centuries
(split seconds to one doomed to live millennia).
I must leave yet again.
Fear and self loathing mix –
a bitter parting from a sweet and fragrant world, doomed.
The visions are untimely –
decades and days are the same
in the view of immortality.
So I leave, not knowing if destruction comes in days,
or years, or decades.
I just know it will come;
and as it comes, I go.
Driven by my immortal's fear of death –
my immortal fear of death.
An icy flash of anger pierces my soul,
a stubborn refusal to leave this sweet world.
I will die with it, end this torture,
this endless torture,
of cold fear, bloody visions and … fear.
Calm again, it was only a flash,
no will behind the thought.
I detest the coward in me, that coward
which has kept me alive longer
than I care to measure.
I sigh, resigned to leave,
resigned to my fate.
My fate! I laugh in bittersweet irony to know
that of all places,
this place, on this earth,
any one human would trade lives with me in a moment,
were it but possible.
But then, how happy could I be,
living my (now short) life,
knowing what purgatory I had doomed the innocent to?
No, best to leave,
take my cowardice far away from this brave planet.
Let it live out the fullness of its years –
however long that might be.