Evan Rachel Wood Has Daddy Issues

Filed in Gather News Channel by on January 30, 2009 0 Comments

Evan Rachel Wood, the jailbait known more for her relationships with such “A-listers” as Marilyn Manson and Edward Norton, is denying any relationship with The Wrestler co-actor (and father figure) Mickey Rourke, despite making out with him during the SAG awards.

Wood says she and toppled sex-symbol Rourke are not an item, stating heÂ’s too old. But do we believe her?

You have to realize that the only reason she showed up on my radar is two years ago the ever so strapping Marilyn Manson left his burlesque dancer (fancy name for stripper) of a wife to date the barely legal 19 year old. Marilyn was 38 at the time, making him exactly DOUBLE her age.

Now I can’t fault Marilyn for this – I only hope I can pull girls like this when I’m nearing 40; my whole shtick being wearing makeup and calling myself by a girl’s name (something Alice Cooper did YEARS ago; and better I might add).

And if you go to What Would Tyler Durden Do, you find out what she got up to with Edward Norton puts the counterfeit Cooper to shameÂ…

But I ask this: Is anyone really surprised? If memory serves, Evan Rachel Wood first appeared on the scene for staring in 13 – a movie that so traumatized me towards adolescent girls I decided if I ever have a daughter I’ll send her off to a convent for the ages of 12-18. And I believe she was credited for helping out with the dialogue and direction the story went. Her being a hellbent 13 year old and all.

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Don't know what to say... I grew a beard once. It itched. The end.

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