Five New Year’s Resolutions For Bad Moms

Filed in Gather Family Essential by on January 4, 2010 0 Comments

Mom of a 3-year-old vows to make 2010, um, at least bearable.

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Momlogic’s Momstrosity: This year is going to rock. It’s got to … right? Last year kind of blew. 2010 is going to be different. Here are some of my resolutions for this year. Man, I hope I can keep them.

1) Drink More
Since having a kid, I don’t party nearly as often as I used to, or ever. I’m lucky if I can stay up past 9 PM. This year, I vow to get s***faced drunk at least 363 times the next 365 days. Just like the good ol’ days.

2) Increase Daily Coffee Intake
This year, I vow never to fall asleep while reading bedtime stories to my kid or in the middle of almost anything my husband says. There is only one way to accomplish this. I must NEVER STOP DRINKING COFFEE. EVER.

3) Be LESS Social
I will stop hanging out on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter looking for old boyfriends, frenemies and moms to commiserate with me on how Dora the Explorer‘s voice works my last nerve. But seriously. She’s friggin’ annoying, right?!

4) Stop Spending Time With The Family
In 2009, the “mom guilt” that runs my life has played itself out. I don’t need to see my family EVERY day. Truth be told, I don’t want to see anybody everyday. My kid’s 3 already. Isn’t it about time she takes cares of herself?

5) Lose the Baby Weight — Four Years After Baby
This year I’ll practice what I preach .. if tell my daughter she can’t have another cookie, I will not duck into another room and shove a fistful in my mouth. I’ll also stop grazing on goldfish crackers, juice boxes and string cheese. In short, I vow to squeeze myself into my pre-pregnancy jeans by 2031 or my daughters wedding day … whichever comes first.

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