Former Miss Teen USA Kari Ann Peniche To Do Celebrity Rehab Sex Edition

Filed in Gather News Channel by on April 8, 2009 0 Comments

While normally the list of new patients (or should I call them “contestants”?) for VH1’s Celebrity Rehab wouldn’t even cause me to raise my hungover head, two things have piqued both my interest and imagination: Former Teen USA Kari Ann Peniche will be on said show and the theme of this season will be dealing with sexual addiction.

You see, I’ve personally been a fan of Kari Ann Peniche ever since she decided to pose for Playboy after winning Miss Teen USA, thus causing them to strip her of her crown (and hopefully her dress – raarrr). But this story gets better: Appearing with Kari Ann Penchie will be porn stars Kendra Jade and Penny Flame, fellow Playboy models Nicole Narain and Amber Smith, and (male) gay film director Duncan Roy .

So let me be the first to say: Hot Damn! Five ladies known for getting nekkid (it’s when you’re naked and up to no good) and a guy who bats for the other team is pretty much the definition of awesome. Mathematically it’s expressed as: 5 females with sexual addiction + 1 house – any viable males = Phin’s Sexual Fantasy #127. And the best part is, I get to watch former wholesome Miss Teen USA Kari Ann Peniche hopefully get a lot more “holesome”.

But since Dr. Drew will be the only viable male there, methinks I might make meself a Dr. Drew suit. Possibly out of Dr. Drew himself. Note to self: You need to sharpen your carvin' knives…

Oh, and good job VH1. Way to differentiate yourself from MTV by playing music videos and eschewing exploitive TV.


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Don't know what to say... I grew a beard once. It itched. The end.

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