Giant Step For Beatrice

Filed in Gather Family Essential by on December 29, 2008 0 Comments


      The Beatrice saga has encountered another interesting turn of events.  This one is a step in the right direction.  I have written about Bea several times.  She is my oldest daughter at age 26.  She and her son Gabe live in my home.

      Along with trick or treaters, Halloween had brought with it a rather disturbing outburst from my daughter.  My husband and I allowed her to remain in our home but we did set some limits on what we would expect from her.  Both my husband and I knew setting limits and following through would be somewhat difficult with the holidays coming up.  We were semi lenient with the rules but acknowledged that a more serious discussion would be coming following Christmas.  My hope was to keep the situation mellow which would enable everyone to enjoy the holidays.

      One of the concerns shared by many of the family members was that Bea appeared to be having an issue with drinking.  She would go out several times a week and come home quite intoxicated.  I believed she was exhibiting signs of alcoholism.  She could never go out and not drink.  She did not seem able to control the amount she consumed.  When she was drinking her behavior became erratic and very hostile.  Alcoholism runs on both sides of the family so being concerned was not unwarranted.  I have been sober for nine years now.  What I was unaware of was that she was also drinking secretly at night in her room.  Each night after putting her son to bed she would retreat to her room.  I did not find this odd because she has never been a very social person.  I respected her privacy and never went snooping through her room.  If I had I would have seen the collection of empty vodka bottles she had been hiding.

           A second troublesome issue has been her relationship with her ex boyfriend.  She is a grownup and I can not forbid her to see anyone.  After the October outburst we stipulated that she could not allow him into our home again.  Until September we had believed him to be her son's father but a paternity test proved that he is not.  He is a very toxic person.  He uses my daughter and "helps" her and Gabe by giving them rides when they are stuck for one.  This "help" means he expects payment by having free use of her sexually when the urge arises.  Bea believed this was his way of saying he liked her and they would someday be a couple again.  Combine alcohol with a toxic relationship and the outcome is rarely good.  Friday night she went out drinking.  My other daughter Lauren always takes Gabe for overnights and this frees Bea to do whatever she wishes.  After hitting the bar for a few hours, Bea hooked up with the ex.  I am not sure what ensued except for a major blow out.  She caught him in several more lies and lost her temper.  She attacked him and his vehicle.  When she returned home, she was extremely distraught.  I do not like speaking to anyone when they are under the influence since little can be accomplished.  However this time I made an exception.  I sat her down and noticed her knuckles were severely bruised and swollen.  She proceeded to fill me in on a few details.  I calmed her down but kept reminding her that she is not making rational decisions.  I warned her that her actions were going to lead her into deeper trouble.

            After sleeping for several hours Bea woke up and approached me.  She asked me to come up to her room.  I noticed several empty vodka and schnapps bottles on her bed. She explained that she had already thrown out several trash bags full of bottles earlier that week.  It was difficult but she admitted that she has a problem and wanted to get into a detox program immediately.  Bea even took the initiative and phoned one treatment center but they asked that she phone back.  I suggested we go to the hospital and have her hand looked at and perhaps they could find a placement for her.  Why is it when people are seeking help they run into roadblocks?  The emergency room was crowded.  Understandably we knew the wait would be long.  When you arrive the nurse does triage then you wait until it is your turn.  During the triage Bea explained the situation to the first intake person.  I was close to the main desk and when the triage nurse was notified of what my daughter was requesting she started ranting about having more work to do.  She did not realize I was close enough to know whom she was referring to.  I felt like reporting her but knew she was overworked and I allowed for it.  Instead of contacting the social worker right away the nurse did not put the call in until my daughter was called into the examining room.  The wait to be seen had been  over four hours long.  When the social worker arrived he explained that since it was so late in the day he would more than likely not be able to find a placement.  I was ticked off.  Had the nurse spoke to him immediately he could have been working on the situation while we waited for my daughter to be seen.  Two hours later he informed us that he was not successful but he gave my daughter a list of agencies to try in the morning.

          She began making phone calls first thing Sunday morning and was lucky enough to find a placement in a facility in our city.  I brought her there for the intake process Sunday afternoon.  The detox will last until Thursday then she will be given the choice of entering a 21 day half way house or coming home.  I do not know which she will choose.  Between my other daughter and me we will ensure Gabe is taken care of. The treatment center also deals with mental health issues and my daughter needs to have her needs evaluated while she is there.  However I am not sure how much time off her place of employment is willing to extend her.  She did explain the situation and the manager she spoke to understood it quite well.  He went through the rehab process a few years ago.  When I became sober I came home after five days of detox.  This worked for me but everyone is different.  I assured her that her only concern should be recovery.  The rest will take care of its self.  This is a major step she is taking and I pray it is one that will not need to be repeated.  Personally I do not follow the AA program but promised my daughter I will attend meetings with her if she finds them helpful.  I am scared for her but also very excited.  This could be a wonderful fresh start for the new year.

About the Author ()

I am an almost empty nester who is trying to decided what paths lay in my future. I am a mom to five and grandmother to two. I chose to stay home to raise my family but it is time to start thinking of my own future. Of course my family will always be a t

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