If you spend much time on the internet, you’ve probably heard of the deal site Groupon. But you’ve probably never heard of Grouspawn – which is as hard to type as it is to read.
Here’s how it works. A man and a woman get matched up after they put their profiles on the Grouspawn dating site. They agree to go on a date and to save money, they buy a Groupon deal for their favorite restaurant. The date goes well, nookie happens and nine months later a Grouspawn baby is . . . well. . spawned.
To prove it wasn’t all just a wine induced dream, the site requires you to send proof that the first date was a Groupon date. Photographic evidence is recommended, along with credit card receipts or testimonials from the wait staff. Now, the trick here is that at the time you’re having your Groupon date, you don’t know if you’re going to end up making beautiful babies, so just in case, you should take a photograph. If you’re embarrassed to do so, the site has some phony suggestions that will help get you out from under. â€œIâ€™m on a scavenger hunt and I need to take a photo with an extremely attractive person,” is one of the best lines in the bunch.
Grouspawn insists that they will give the money to anyone who fits the Groupon discounted glass slipper. Due to the requirements, it’s unlikely that they’ll get many people making a bid at the money, but even if it does happen, that’s the kind of advertising they couldn’t buy.
Just imagine, a Grouspawn baby hawking Groupon deals for diapers, then video games, then text books and eventually an engagement ring of his own. A couple could probably shift the tide in their direction if they named their baby Group, though Grous would be too cruel.
Knowing that people will do anything for money, the site protects itself with several lines of copy including this gem, “Unlike our high-quality deals, we are in no way vouching for the authenticity, non-creepiness, or criminal record of anyone on this site. Any interaction stemming from the Grouspawn Date Assistant is up to you”
They also state, “Children obtained through adoption, kidnapping, cloning, miraculous sudden-onset pregnancy, dogs wearing hats, or other â€œsimilarâ€ means, are not eligible as Grouspawns.”
What a world, what a world.