Holy Ship Must’ve Been a Typo

Filed in Gather Travel Essential by on January 11, 2012 0 Comments

This past weekend, I went on a 2-day, 3-night cruise called Holy Ship, which featured all-day, all-night performances by Fatboy Slim, Diplo, Steve Aoki, Laidback Luke, Skrillex, and Tommy Lee, to name a few.  It was hosted by Hard Events, an electronic music party organizer, so basically it was a weekend rave cruise.  While it was the first of its kind, and firsts of anything understandably tend to be rife with trial and error, the cons definitely outweighed the pros for this party cruise to the point of being unforgivable.  It really should’ve been called Holy [Piece of] Sh!t.

First, Boys Noize, one of the headliners, canceled the morning before. And with their no-refund policy (except for cancellations like 5 months in advance), you were screwed bigtime since tickets costed between $800 to $2,500 a person. This does not include airfare if you weren’t from South Florida, where we embarked.  Not a surprise, but not a single one of the 100+ people I met were even from anywhere near Florida.  Worse, although they were incessant in contacting you about billing and payment, they apparently only announced this cancellation on Facebook, not even their homepage.

Second, the food and beverages were horrible.  The menu (basically all fast food items) never changed and all drinks tasted like water, even their juice.  It was like having water dyed with food coloring. No hint of whatever fruit it was supposed to be whatsoever.

Third, there was no instruction as to how and where to exit the boat when we arrived at the Bahamas.  Since the crew spoke zero English, you had to wander around the 15-story, 93,000 ton ship asking anybody and everybody if they had any clue on which deck your tender tickets were available and on which deck the ferries were waiting.  The frenzy was ridiculous.

Fourth, the shenanigans didn’t stop there — our captain ran the ship into a reef the first day, so we were stranded and prohibited from leaving the ship for hours.  Everyone awoke to a loud, metal-grinding crash and some of my neighbors were screaming for their life vests.  There were no casualties, but I’m sure it caused many fear, anxiety and trauma.  When we finally got to leave, we only had 3.5 hours left to spend at the Bahamas, when we were supposed to have 9.5.  You know how they made up for this?  Two whole complimentary drink tickets worth $20 total.  Since we lost one day of two, I’m sure I should’ve been reimbursed at least half of my $1,100 payment.

Fifth, the lineup included one night of a surprise party with DJs/artists to be announced.  The schedule read “SURPRISE PARTY!” followed by literally 23 question marks to make you wonder. Turns out the “surprise” was just another set by some of the DJs/artists already aboard and who had already played a prior set the day or night before! Wow, the audacity was what surprised me.  To be fair, there was one “new” artist performing — some random band member from Korn playing dubstep. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that isn’t his forte.

I could go on forever, but I think you get the picture now. Holy [Piece of] Sh!t is putting it rather nicely.

Don’t you agree I should get a full refund for this?

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