A lackluster selection of singers, sappy stories, and the absence of a snarky celebrity judge, plagued an unfortunately boring third episode of American Idol‘s Season 9 auditions. Chicago’s hopefuls saw only thirteen of their twelve-thousand crowd sent to Hollywood. Even the standout performances could leave a viewer unsure if some montages were mocking their abilities or accepting the featured few to the next round. It was a fine, fine, line.
Cloying and silly personal back stories left eyes dry and sympathies unextended. An asthmatic and a teenager who’s parents were divorcing, while painful, seemed indulgent after Season 8 finalist Danny Gokey‘s sudden loss of his new wife or the harrowing story of blind musicianÂ Scott MacIntyre.
Praying for a “Pants On The Ground” moment to relive the relatively mediocre evening, comic relief was brought by two contestants ranging from cute and clueless to creepy.
Good-natured Amy Lang was likable and able to laugh at her own admission of sexy dreams of host Ryan Seacrest. However, a nightmarish fainting scene to begin her rendition of “Dr. Feelgood” woke the judges up on the wrong side of the bed. Jumping her ginourmous jugs in time to the music, like a lowrider with a hydraulics, somehow did not distract from her poor performance vocally.
Pittsburgher and former military man Brian Krause probably shouldn’t have auditioned and likely wasn’t aware of his inability to sing professionally. But his most striking mistake was that he definitely should not have opted to wail Tiny Tim‘s “Tiptoe Through The Tulips.” The infamously freakish falsetto performer, the stringy haired ukulele player Tiny Tim that is, Â isn’t an acceptable choice for any other vocalist to imitate in hopes to win a singing competition. Ever. The judges made the man swear that his performance wasn’t a fake, though a later admission of it wouldn’t be shocking.
Stand out Angela Martin had auditioned in two prior seasons and made it to the top 50 in Season 8. Â Her handicapped little girl was offered care after one of Angela’s prior appearances, certainly a generous reward for her talent. But the death of her father and outstanding warrants, which she insists were for traffic violations, had kept her from continuing in the competition last season. Hopefully, with all distractions aside, Martin can maintain and try again to earn the Idol judges’ approval. Tonight’s panel praised her highly not only for her vocals but also for perservering.
Though Mary J. was the last featured judge, Shania Twain also brought no drama to the table, with generic compliments and nearly no criticisms. Whereas Victoria Beckham managed a painfully civil Brit fight with Simon Cowell, none of the other ladies have brought any spice to the panel. Wednesday’s auditions with chipper Broadway songbird Kristen Chenoweth will hopefully bring a wicked sensibility to the weary judges’ table.
Tiny Tim performing his 60’s hit “Tiptoe Through The Tulips”