Jail Break – I Have Finally Escaped From Prison

Filed in Uncategorized by on May 13, 2009 0 Comments


I have busted out and am going to do whatever it takes to keep from being caught and taken alive.  With all the struggles I've been up against, I'll continue to fight to the bitter end, so I never have to go back there again.

I wasn't convicted of a crime to receive my sentence.  My prison had invisible bars to keep me confined. The culprit was a cat…my little Shimmer…jumping out of the way trying to avoid stepping on her and turning her into a kitty pancake.  She managed to evade injury…but I wasn't so lucky.  In side-stepping her stride, I was the one who paid the price.  Leaping into the air was the easy part.  It was the landing that was the rough part.  Having a cat dart out of the dark, my natural evasive actions kicked in and I hopped off the floor.  It was a spur of the moment reaction; the first time I've bounded in such a manner since I got my new leg.  Getting off the ground was the easy part.  I was on the way back down when it dawned on me I may have to make a crash landing.  As contact with the floor was made, a twinge of pain took hold, as the shock absorber that is now my ankle didn't absorb the impact like I thought it would.  I'm still not sure exactly what happened…a pulled muscle or a pinched nerve in my nub..but it hurt like hell.  That was just the beginning.  As time wore on, the pain intensified to the point this turned into a major 'owie'.

Despite eating over the counter pills like they were candy to alleviate the pain; it wasn't going away. Not only was it impossible to pop on my prosthetic, I couldn't find a comfortable position where I was free from the hurt; not sitting, standing or laying.  At times, the suffering was so intense, I could do nothing but scream…and teach the cat a whole new vocabulary.  I'm sure she thought she was living in a barrack full of troopers with the words she heard.  I think I even made up a few new vulgarities, too…one of which combines the first two letters of the 'F' word followed by 'kitty'.  That one had a rather comical ring to it.  Through all the moaning and groaning, I came to the realization that, being unable to walk, I was suddenly trapped…my building has no elevation and I live on the top floor of three.  I could just barely get around my own apartment with a walker.  Just the jostling of my nub alone jolted me with intense pain.  The steps on the stairs aren't large enough for the walker to fit on and I wasn't about to use my crutches.  With the dizziness the pain was causing, I wasn't about to risk taking a tumble from Step #16…or any of the others on the way down…or it would be one quick trip to the bottom.  I was trapped in my own home…alone…just me and my 'killer' kitty.

It wasn't too bad the first couple of days, but I soon started going stir-crazy being stuck inside by myself.  I was ordering restaurant food and having it delivered to be able to eat.  That didn't bother me too much because I hate to cook…and I dislike cleaning up the mess even more.  It was almost a welcome relief and I realized if I rationed my food out; the price was about the same as if I had purchased groceries…plus, I didn't have to prepare anything.  Someone else made my meals for me and brought them right to my door.  I was kind of starting to like that part of being isolated, but I was beginning to miss people…and I was running out of money.  I had cash in the bank, but not in my pocket.  It became apparent, at some point, I was going to have to suck it up and figure out a way to get down the street to replenish my finances; not to mention pay some bills since the beginning of a new month was upon me. I had no other option, as my best friend left his house before the bank opened in the morning and didn't get home until after closing time. 

Here goes nothing!  I took a double dose of pain pills, strapped on my leg and headed out.  With all I've been able to accomplish over the past year, I was confident I could do this.  It was the longest walk I've taken since last spring; not in distance, but in time.  My bank is only a block away…and the real estate office where I pay my rent is another half block further up the street.  The round trip took me over an hour…and I had to keep reminding myself I was in public so I didn't let any of those new swear words I had invented pop out; not that anyone would have understood what I was saying.  They would have just looked at me like I was one of those crazy people who walk around talking to themselves.  They would have been half right.  I did it, though…and spent the next couple of days down for the count trying to recuperate from my trek…but I had my money supply replenished.

Just as the pain was beginning to lessen, I had to go out and walk, causing it to intensify again.  It engulfed the upper part of the back of my leg and the right half of my butt.  When I sat, I looked like I had a bad case of gas; perched on the left side of my rear like I was in the process of letting loose with a one-cheek-sneak.  It would take half an hour sometimes for me to find a position where I had a little relief from the pain…until it would begin to intensify again so I'd have to move around to find another position that didn't hurt as bad…every ten minutes or so.  I came to the conclusion it wasn't a pulled muscle when treatment for that wasn't working a bit. During one of her weekly visits, my traveling nursie determined it was probably a pinched nerve.  At times, my nub and backside would go numb, which gave me a little escape from the pain.  It kind of felt like it does when your hynie falls asleep from sitting on the toilet for too long.  The only treatment option may be to operate.  I immediately ruled out trying to get to the doctor; not only because it was virtually impossible for me to go to his office being unable to walk; but I wasn't about to go under the knife with that quack.  I'm not spending half of my summer in the hospital and the other half stuck at home recovering…Hell no!  Been there…done that already last year…and it was not an enjoyable season.  I missed out on too much life, not that I have that much of a life to miss out on.  I'll suffer a little longer and see how things go.

Being miserable already, I didn't care that my birthday was days away.  I knew it was going to be no big deal…just like it is every other year with no one to celebrate with.  My best friend can never remember the date, even though he knows when it is.  I always remind him after the day has passed…just so I can bust his chops that he forgot again while I never forget his.  I do appreciate the well wishes sent by a few members here…even though the date given in a post was wrong and after the fact, too.  It's the thought that counts.

No cards, no gifts, no cake.  No big deal.  I've just come to the conclusion, since I don't celebrate my birthday; I shouldn't have to get any older, so my age is at a standstill and I'm going to lie through my teeth as to what it is.  I am now 'forever 40'.  Why the hell didn't I do this years ago so I can be young through all time?  I eventually observed my date of birth privately; incorporating that into a trip out I tried last week.

After my beginning of the month trip to the bank pain started subsiding, I decided it was time to try again with another attempt at leaving my home.  I hadn't gone grocery shopping in almost a month and had run out of quite a few things.  I needed to restock some items, as I was actually beginning to tire of eating the same restaurant food.  Truth is, I was getting sick of having to tip all the time for bringing me my meals. Plus, fresh strawberries were on sale and if I didn't get some; I might as well lay down and die now.  I picked up a cake, too, for my own belated birthday celebration.  I had to have something to go under those luscious berries. I also needed to get a couple Deli Creations with coupons from Gather, so I could write a review, which will be coming in the near future.

Being one to push myself, I always have a tendency to go a little too far; which I did again.  After putting my groceries away upon returning home from the supermarket; one would think I'd take a break to rest.  Not me!  It felt good to be out and I wanted more.  Truth be told, a store across the street from where I live is going out of business and I wasn't about to miss out on 75% off their entire stock.  I'll suffer with more pain just to save a buck or two.  I reasoned, since no one got me a gift, I owed it to myself to pick up a birthday present or two…and a couple surprises for my best friend, too.  Even though he can't remember his head if it wasn't attached; he's still my best friend and I love him.  Things were pretty picked over by this point, but I did find a couple items I couldn't pass up.  With spring here, of course I had to think ahead to winter already even though the last one had just ended. I found a hooded, down-filled winter jacket that was originally priced at $69.  I paid five bucks.  That will come in handy with all the snow storms we get here.  I also grabbed a pair of twenty dollar sweat pants for just $2.  For Scott, I picked up a set of six scented candles for a five dollar bill; marked down from their original price of $20.  Tell me the extra pain I went through wasn't worth it…$110 worth of merchandise for just $12!  Like you wouldn't have done the same?  You can stick pins in my fanny if it's going to mean I save nearly one hundred dollars.

Of course, my pain kicked up another notch once again and I decided to take it easy for a few days to try to get the intensity to subside.  No more strolls for me for a bit. I missed the opening of my city's annual Lilac Festival, along with the grand street parade; something I missed out on last year, as well, having recently returned home from an over two month hospital stay at that time.  If I really want to smell their scent; there's a couple bushes in a neighbor's yard I can help myself to a few blossoms from.

Come Sunday, I got a call wishing me 'Happy Mother's Day'…from my own mother.  She wanted to thank me for the card I sent her; nothing serious; a comical one blaming all her troubles on her for having me.  I can't do the sentimental thing when we're not all that close, but at least I remembered her.  It helped that it was on sale with the postage costing almost as much as the card.  Her call was just an excuse for her to bellyache about all that's wrong and to fill me in on gossip about the rest of the family…like I care.  They've all got it 'so bad'.  Listening to her blabber; I've learned it's better to just agree and that shuts her up quicker.  Yes, mother, they all have it so much worse than I do…a broken lawn mower, a delayed vacation airline flight, more money to spend on feeding all those extra mouths when the dog had puppies…and on and on and on.  I'm soooooo glad I don't have it as tough as the rest of the family does.  Suck it up!  Life goes on.  You don't see me sitting around having a huge pity party like those wimps do over nothing.  I've learned not to discuss things with her because one of the relatives always has it worse.  I just let her ramble and throw in an 'Mmhmm' once in awhile.  It makes for a much shorter conversation that way.  I didn't even bother thanking her for the card and present I never received from her for my birthday, either…just let it go.

Now that I've rested up for nearly a week, my 'leg' is feeling a bit better.  The pain has lessened immensely…to the point I'm actually thinking about maybe going up to the corner cafe for coffee this afternoon…just so I can be out among people…even though I'm supposed to give it up…along with sugar, salt and who knows what all else.  Would you like me to give up breathing air, too, Doc?  With the ache dying down, I can also concentrate again.  I find it very difficult to write with the distraction; one of the main reasons I haven't shared anything in the past week or so.  It also helps being able to get out and about so I actually have something to write about, too, rather than 'I stared at the walls', 'I stared at the floor', 'I stared at the ceiling'…and then, 'I stared at the walls some more'.

If you can't keep a good man down, there's no way you can even come close to stopping a 'bad man' like me.  We just don't listen and are bound and determined to do things when we want, how we want.  You might be able to slow me down, but there's no way anyone or anything is ever going to bring me to a complete halt unless you snuff out my life and the drive inside.  Once again, I'm back with a vengeance.  Look out, Gather…and look out, world.  I've broken the bars and torn down the walls.  I'm up and at 'em one more time and plan on coming back even better than before yet again.  Be prepared for who knows what in the future from me.  You never know what I'll come up with.  I don't even know what it may be until it happens…and happen is what I plan on making it do.  Just try and stop me.  I dare you!  Stick around.  The best is yet to come!


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INDESCRIBABLE!!! (Even my best friend can't figure me out!)

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