Consider this fair warning: The jedi workout video featured on the Today Show below may cause sudden symptoms of “JOCK”, with the viewer suddenly crying out “nerd”, chugging a beer, dousing themselves with AX body spray, then running off to dunk the nearest person smaller than him/her into the nearest toilet. At least that’s the reaction I had.
If you hadn’t guessed, the jedi workout consists of waving a lightsaber (probably made out of a dowel rod) around while making “schum-schum” noises and calling it exercise. Yes, it is as silly as it sounds. And yes, these nerds are not doing themselves any favors by taking part in a jedi workout.
Since I don’t actually know how the jedi workout program started, I’m just going to freestyle here a second and use what I know about nerd nature (as opposed to "human nature") to extrapolate the jedi workout origins: A nerd decided to get into shape. Now we must applaud him for this since nerds are either decidedly under or overweight. Perhaps with a bit of muscle tone he would be able to finally hunt down that mysterious creature forever eluding the nerd: The single, interested female.
But true to his nerd roots, our protagonist decided instead of socially acceptable means of exercise, he wanted to emulate his heroes from a fictional film by swinging a stick around and dressing up like a weirdo. Thus the jedi workout routine was borne, along with a migraine I have sense named “jedi workout”.
No, NO, NO! Let me explain something to you nerds: Getting in shape involves lifting heavy things above your head (more than once) and wearing shorts so as not to be encumbered on the treadmill – not waving a 5 ounce “sword” about and dressing like a ponce. And, in case you’re wondering, the reason this makes me so angry is that I really like Star Wars. I grew up with those three films (and there were ONLY three in my world) and can even tell you the differences between an X-wing, A-wing, and B-wing. But because of these jedi workout people I cannot admit to liking Star Wars because it puts me in the same boat as these creatures.
But maybe there’s an upside to these jedi workouts. Let’s consider them a “coolness contraceptive”: If Darwin can be believed those who take part in jedi workouts will be unlikely to pass their genetic material on to the next generation, thus saving us (and their offspring) much verbal (and possibly physical) abuse.
And without further ado, here’s the jedi workout as featured on the Today Show. If you can make it through the first minute you’re a stronger man than I. But make it a point to watch the last five seconds and what happens to Matt Lauer (sic?). Hi-freaking-larious.
Want to hear more of my (probably) drunken ramblings? Check it out here at gossip.gather.com!