Jessica Simpson Grand Rapids Meltdown

Filed in Gather News Channel by on February 6, 2009 0 Comments

Jessica Simpson added Grand Rapids to her list of places that she probably wonÂ’t be invited back to (my bedroom being one of the first) as yesterday she had a meltdown. TMZ reports she stumbled through her own songs, telling the audience she felt like walking off stage. Poor Jessica Simpson. Grand Rapids is just a little more proof her 15 minutes are almost over. Reports state her meltdown was because her boyfriend, some guy named Tony Romo, wasnÂ’t in attendance because he missed a flight.

I almost feel I shouldnÂ’t make fun of Jessica Simpson and her Grand Rapids meltdown now. ItÂ’s almost too easy, the whole shooting fish in a barrel thing (which is actually twice the amount of fun it sounds). ItÂ’s like the Britney meltdown all over again, and that wasnÂ’t nearly as much fun asÂ… shooting fish in a barrel?…

You’ll have to forgive me for not coming up with more similes – we had happy hour last night here at the brothel and my head is killing me. And I’ve got some weird bruises I can’t quite explain…

But enough about that. IÂ’ve had a bone to pick with Jessica Simpson for a while now, and Grand Rapids has nothing to do with it. It comes from the time I spent in Dallas, Jessica SimpsonÂ’s home town. Now Dallas ainÂ’t exactly the bastion of culture the residents believe it is (it is still better than Austin though). I mean, itÂ’s pretty much populated by a-holes, but of all the a-holes there, why is Jessica Simpson the one who got famous? Dallas doesnÂ’t really deserve to be represented in pop culture by Jessica Simpson. I mean, Dallas should be remembered from its other contribution to culture. Like the awesome eponymous show. Or have having a president gunned down there.

And thatÂ’s my real point: Bad 80Â’s TV and regicide are both better than Jessica Simpson as Grand Rapids has ultimately shown us.


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Don't know what to say... I grew a beard once. It itched. The end.

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