Johnny Depp Died?–Read This to Find Out

There have been many rumors that Johnny Depp, former star of 21 Jump St.,has died recently.  The two most common are that he died in an automobile accident.  One blogger had a rumor that was purportedly reported on CNN in 2004. Apparently this has been picked up by semi-literate people who didn’t notice the number 2004 in large type at the beginning of the story.  An enigmatic blog post labeled as “an article in parody” said that the actor was found dead in his home on Friday.

I’m assuming that Depp is still alive but there’s always an element of uncertainty.  He could have died as I wrote this sentence and I wouldn’t have known it.  He may die between the time I post this and the time you read it.  Then there’s the question of how we perceive and define things.  You might consider Depp’s state of vitality to be in the dead condition while I consider it to be in the living condition.  I might view a medical monitoring device that we both agree is properly connected to Depp and draw a different conclusion from the information that the device displays than you do.  Then there’s R. Crumb’s powerful existential question, “Is dis a life?”

The picture below is an interesting exercise in ambiguity because Depp, or at least a person alleged to be Depp, is holding what appears to be a metal bodied resonator guitar on his lap.  He appears to be playing it in the Hawaiian position although the guitar is round necked, which means it is designed to be played by fretting the strings with the fingers or possibly with a slide worn on one of the player’s fingers rather than square necked as a true Hawaiian guitar or Dobro might be played.  To compound the confusion it’s not clear whether Depp is using a Hawaiian or bluegrass slide, which would be a solid object or a hollow slide designed to be slipped over the player’s finger.  Another important question is “Was the person in the picture alive at the time the picture was taken?”  Also there is the question, “Has the person in the picture, assuming that person ever existed, died since the picture was taken?”  Life can be extremely perplexing.

 

http://media-files.gather.com/images/d683/d179/d746/d224/d96/f3/full.jpg

Below is a picture showing the neck of a square neck guitar where it meets the body.

 

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Optimist who doesn't believe in progress. Class clown manque.

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