Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. – Robert Bloch
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils … – Louis Hector Berlioz
It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Homer Simpson
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.