Justin Bieber is known to be very close to his mom, Pattie Mallette. Recently, a JB fan site compiled a list of 10 fun and funny facts about the woman who gave birth to the pop wunderkind. Of course, the first of those facts is obvious. Pattie not only gets to hang out with JB, she can also tell him what to do. He even has to ask her permission for sleepovers with Selena Gomez.
As for the other funny facts about Pattie Mallette, many of them are self-explanatory. She has famous friends like Usher, Selena Gomez, and Anna Wintour. And she’s the “richest teen mom” ever. After all, her son earned more than $50 million last year. Take that, reality stars.
Pattie is definitely a MILF. Seriously now, “those genes didn’t come outta nowhere.” And she’s never without a hot date: Justin Bieber. She’s the envy of girls who are, literally, half her age. Not to mention that she gets front row seating at any and all JB concerts anywhere on earth.
Pattie flies first class all over the world. In fact, she does first class one better. She travels by private jet. And as an additional fun perk, she gets to check into hotels under a panoply of phony names. In fact, even most beliebers probably don’t know that it was Justin Bieber’s clever mom who made up most of his funny and now famous “undercover names”–Shawty Mane and Chandler Bing for example.
Last but far from least, Pattie’s “Jelena” grandchildren will be the cutest kids on planet Earth. And speaking of grandmotherhood, when Justin’s mom is old and decript, she’ll be living high off the hog in her own senior-citizen’s mansion with round the clock, top of the line nursing/medical care. Unlike most of the elderly who will languish in putrid nursing homes.
And there you have it. Actually, the facts originally posted by the fan site were titled “Reasons Why Justin Bieber’s Mom is Better Than Yours–the Luckiest & Coolest Mom in the World.” “Better” may be a stretch. “Luckiest” and “Coolest”–definitely.
Â© Hope Carson 2011
Hope Carson is the author of 2 books: A Roaring Girl: An Interview with the Thinking Man’s Hooker and A Thousand and One Night Stands: The Life of Jon Vincent. You can follow her on Twitter.