Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian made a sex tape?? Will it be coming soon to a theater near me? Oh wow. Let me guess.. The plot, in this latest epic story, is about a teenager that is an alcoholic and has syphilis, who breaks his neck, while drinking and driving and then makes a hotel video with Kim Kardashian? COME ON! Some moron, in mom’s basement, who’s 45 years old, and still has her baking him and his D&D buddies cookies, comes up with these rumors!
What’s sad is people fall for the rumors!! These are the people natural selection said, “Nope…we don’t want this idiot in the afterlife until we have no other option or we haven’t met our monthly quota!” Basically, if you really fall for all these rumors, you could make a living as a walking, talking, poster child for birth control! Finally you can make a living so that you wont be living in the basement yourself at 45!
What it boils down to is this. Do you really think that if Bieber did half these things, the news media wouldn’t pick up on it? Where do we see these headlines? On Gossip sites, that where. And why? Because, that’s how they make their money. But please, don’t stop believing the rumors. Wouldn’t it be a boring world without being able to tell the girl or guy they are idiots that comes into work and says:
” Did you hear Justin Bieber went homicidal and killed a 45 year old momma’s boy, in his basement, for telling the world he had syphilis, before he could renew his Disney Contract?”
Hmmm… Not bad… remember you heard here first.. ummm.. Unless you happen to be a part of Bieber’s legal team, in which case, I then heard it from a friend who heard it from.. Yeah, Yeah you get it.
Justin, If you are reading this, I feel for you dude. I hope you get to feeling better and if you need a new PR guy…. Email me. We’ll do lunch.
In the mean time, can we find someone else to pick on for a while?
© 2010 Bryan Bales