Lady Gaga is designing a grotesque new hat. The Mother Monster has announced she wants a hat made out of her little monsters. No, that’s not a misprint. The Poker Faced One wants a hat literally made from what she calls her “real life monsters.” And no, she isn’t talking about her millions of fans and Twitter followers. She means cockroaches. Yes, La Gaga is going to create a hat made of live cockroaches. Yuck.
Sir Isaac Newton was hit on the head with a falling piece of fruit as he sat minding his own business under an apple tree. The result was his theory of the law of gravitation. The Judas singer got conked on the head by a piece of falling stage equipment and suffered a concussion. The result is a cockroach hat?
“Lady GaGa has been looking to top her famous meat dress for some time Â— and this could be it,” tattles a source. “She dubbed cockroaches ‘My real life monsters’ after hearing of the recent study. Now she wants to incorporate them in a headpiece by having them crawling around inside a netted cage.”
The study that obviously deeply impressed La Gaga was an experiment conducted at a New York university. While studying the movements of various insects, some engineering students discovered that most music had no effect on cockroaches. Weezer and Avenged Sevenfold left them cold. Gaga’s caterwauling–er–singing, however, “made the roaches dance.”
Oh well, they’re roaches, not music critics. Anyway, La Gaga was so impressed she now wants to make her little insect fans into a hat. Oh well, at least they’ll get to hear her music up close that way if she wears them onstage while she’s performing.
So there you have it. So far there’s been no word from PETA. Surely what Gaga wants to do to the poor insects must qualify as animal abuse.
Â© Hope Carson 2012