Leaving Regrets Behind on a Road of My Choosing
Hmmm, am I getting old and irrelevant or simply getting more in tune with where I truly belong?
Much of the time – in this rapid-fire, blink and you are a step behind, helter-skelter modern age – my consciousness is fully occupied with trying to keep from becoming obsolete. It is all I can manage to get to the end of the day without being thrown off the treadmill.
But once and a while, in a quiet moment when I catch my breath, it dawns on me that I am 55 years old. How I got to that age is a mystery. I am half convinced that I passed through a time vortex and skipped twenty years without realizing it.
My body is well aware of my age. It reminds me on occasion that its parts are not as well-oiled as they used to be. Slipping on a patch of ice brings an “Oh no!” instead of the “Wheeee!” response from my younger days.
My brain is of two minds. (Pardon the pun.) One the one hand, the messages (complaints) it receives from certain body parts leaves little room for doubt. But there is a part of my gray matter that persists in believing that I am still young, agile and invulnerable.
I suppose that clash of beliefs is inevitable. None of us want to admit that we are losing a step or two. There are so many things we planned to do but somehow did not find the opportunity to accomplish.
Those regrets have rather sharp edges. In a way, they are like the tracking cookies that the virus protection program finds on my computer. Subtle reminders of slightly risky paths I did not find the time or courage to venture down despite the potential rewards they might have offered.
I find myself at a point where I am less ambitious and more inclined to look for quiet, out of the way places to rest. It is not that I have no dreams or desires left. It is just that my desires are simpler and found closer to home than in my younger days.
It seems that the “slipping on a patch of ice” metaphor has mutated. Where it once represented excitement, it now more often signals caution and a reason to pause and reflect. There is a part of me that struggles with that mutation and wishes it had not happened. But that conflict is gradually resolving itself.
I am not finished with taking risks. There are still times when I choose the uncertain road. But the reason for doing so is now to find those out of the way places where I can relax and commune with the simpler pleasures.
The helter-skelter world charges onward to places I no longer feel I need to go. If that means I am becoming less relevant, it is a compromise I am willing to make. I would rather be relevant and true to my own soul for therein, I have come to believe, lies the secret of happiness.
~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of “Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel” – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.comor the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.
~ Subscribe to “Michael’s Metaphors of Life Journal aka Things That Make Me Go Hmmm” at its’ internet home www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog2. Instructions for subscribing are provided in the “Subscribe to this Blog: How To” instructions page in the right sidebar. If you’re reading this post on another social networking site, come back regularly to my page for postings once a week.