There seems to be something of a universality about my appearance, because I have frequently been told and quite often mistaken for a number of famous personages. Frankly, I’m a veritable Who’s Who of popular culture. I bear strong resemblance to a bevy of celebrities (nota bene: “bevy” is the correct name used by biologists for a grouping of celebrities).
First, for example, is my uncanny resemblance to the documentary filmmaker Michael Moore. During my most recent visit to Cannes, I was regularly mistaken for Mr. Moore, and spent my entire holiday in the company of blue-state well-wishers, red-state soreheads, and paparazzi a’plenty. Conversely, I am told, Mr. Moore was also in Cannes at the same time, and was grievously troubled to find himself constantly pursued by an impressively large bevy of piglets (n.b.: “bevy” is the correct name used by biologists for a grouping of confused swine).
The next famous figure with whom I am regularly mistaken is a powerful man indeed. And it so happens that my work, which I absolutely cannot discuss here, often requires my presence in the Washington, D.C. area. Subsequently, my striking resemblance to Vice President Dick Cheney makes for many amusing public moments. I must confess that my ability to get very good seating in D.C. area restaurants was a tad mysterious for awhile, as was the tendency of restaurant patrons to dive beneath their tables when I walked into the room. I’d always hoped that I could get some part-time work as a stand-in for the big guy. You know, like in that movie with Kevin Kline, “Dave.” Maybe someone in the White House will see this posting. Boy, would that be keen!
Probably because I have such a creamy, fair complexion and such delicate features, I am also often mistaken for one of the most famous celebrities in the entire world, who I needn’t even name, she’s so famous. This happens most often when I’m out in the evenings clubbing or chillaxing with my crew at some hot spot. Needless to say, this has caused more than a little aggravation and a few awkward moments, especially if I’m with a date. There are quite a few people walking around out there with pictures on their cell phone cameras of me with my arm around them or smooching them on the cheek, and showing their friends their brief brush with Paris. If they only knew, huh!
And me? Well, I take it all in stride, of course. No stranger to fame, I!