Nikki Reed Twilights with Costar Robert Pattinson

Filed in Gather News Channel by on April 3, 2009 0 Comments

So all of a sudden people are trying to figure out who TwilightÂ’s Nikki Reed is since it appears sheÂ’s dating (or at least hooking up with) Twilight costar (and tween heartthrob) Robert Pattinson. The rumors of Nikki Reed and Patterson came from when the two attended a Juno award together after which she ended up spending the night with the lad.

As IÂ’ve stated before, I harbor nothing but disdain in my flinty black heart for all things Twilight. Nikki Reed and Robert Pattinson therefore inspire not just my regular ire, but a violent visceral reaction (read: vomit). And the fact that this inexplicably popular Twilight thing has become such a cultural presence that all of a sudden people are talking about Nikki Reed simply because she spent the night with the vacant-eyed Pattinson (really, look him in the eyes and I swear you can see the back of his skull) might actually make me pass out from rageÂ…

…and now we’re back. I’ll try and discuss this whole Twilight/ Nikki Reed/ Robert Pattinson thing some more, but my doctor tells me if I have one more rage inspired “episode” I might very well literally “angry myself inside out”. But like the intrepid Marlow of Heart of Darkness fame, I shall traverse further into the heart of this horror.

You see, Nikki Reed is more than some Twilight minor actress. While still a tween herself she helped pen the screenplay for Thirteen, a rather terrifying look into the lives of girls that age. And since writers are infinitely more intelligent than the empty headed puppets that act out their written parts, itÂ’s particularly offensive that a writer will be known for her lesser roles in films like Twilight**; films that can only be considered intellectual affronts to us as a civilization. Nikki Reed should be known for her intellectual contributions to our society rather thanÂ… actingÂ… stupidÂ… thinly veiledÂ… MormonÂ… propaganda!Â…

It looks like I’m having another attack of righteous indignation again, so I’m going to have to finish up this whole Nikki Reed/ Twilight thing here and now with this little summation: If you read a Twilight book or watch a Twilight film you will be dumber than you were beforehand. And if you actually enjoy Twilight you are in fact an idiot and I hope you get hit by a car.  Twice.


**Seth Rogan is another example of this and if you donÂ’t believe me, check out his page on IMDB.

Want to hear more of my (probably) drunken ramblings? Check it out here at gossip.gather.com!

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Don't know what to say... I grew a beard once. It itched. The end.

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