Resume Bloopers

Filed in Gather Family Essential by on February 10, 2009 0 Comments

Compiled by Robert Half
(These are real examples from real resumes)

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

Responsibility makes me nervous.

They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.
Couldn't work under those conditions.

Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as
cockroaches.

I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous
employers.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am
decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially
incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured
so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of
financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer
does not know I am looking for another job.

My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I have no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

Donating blood.  14 gallons so far.

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

Education:  College, August 1880-May 1984.

Work Experience:  Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

I'm a rabid typist.

Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

About the Author ()

I've been married for almost 25 years to an great man. We live in Jacksonville, FL and have a daughter in elementary school. She is high spirited and keeps us on our toes.

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