Royal Wedding Condoms Sold as Souvenirs

Filed in Gather News Channel by on January 30, 2011 0 Comments

Royal Wedding condoms for sale online: Crown Jewels condoms are ready for the royal wedding. They offer the perfect souvenir – a box of three purple-wrapped condoms especially commissioned to celebrate the engagement and wedding of Prince William of Wales and Ms. Catherine Elizabeth Middleton. No royalty-lover should be without them.

The Crown Jewels website gushes: “Combining the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure.” In the first place, who writes this stuff? The lurid purple box bears a picture of the royal couple, “as they might appear on their wedding day.” A spokesman insists Royal Wedding condoms are “a unique way to remember this great British occasion.” After all, who wants ordinary souvenirs such as tea towels and pillows when you can have condoms, “regally ribbed” and “lavishly lubed” for the occasion.

“England boasts some of the finest lovemaking in the world,” the advertising goes on, as Yahoo! News reports. And if it doesn’t, one can always “lie back and think of England.” Either way, you’ll be protected.

The Crown Jewels manufacturers are quick to point out their product, Crown Jewels, has not been approved by Prince William or any member of the royal or the Middleton families. It’s a sure bet that claim is true.  Critics call the Royal Wedding condoms “tasteless.”

Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace has declined to comment. Really!!

© Cindy Kroiss 2011

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Freelance Journalist and Entreprenuer

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