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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(OMNS, Apr 29, 2010) The following purports to be a transcript of a recent meeting at the World Headquarters Of Pharmaceutical Politicians, Educators and Reporters [WHOPPER]:
“All right, all right! Please come to order, ladies and gentlemen. We know how excited you all are over the recent flood of anti-vitamin news coverage. But please have a seat! Thank you.
“First of all, congratulations on a job well done. We now have the public totally flummoxed about vitamins. We have persuaded the media that high doses of supplements are dangerous, and that low doses are also dangerous. We have scared the people away from taking any nutrients at all. Why, we have even sold the idea to the press that a once-daily multivitamin is dangerous. Nice work, everyone!
“Funny thing about multivitamin supplements: if you look at each individual nutrient in a multivitamin, it is of course good for you. Thousands upon thousands of research studies confirm the body’s absolute need for each and every vitamin. So, we urge people to eat a “balanced diet” to get all their various vitamins from food . . . while simultaneously convincing them that a balanced multivitamin supplement is bad! Essential vitamins from foods are good; essential vitamins from pills are not. Then, truly a stroke of marketing genius, we push processed foods devoid of vitamins, advertising day and night.
“We hardly have to spell it out, now do we? The fewer nutrients people consume, the more sick they will become. The more illness, the more drugs the public will have to take. After all, if vitamin therapy is “dangerous,” what’s left? Us, that’s who. Our pharmaceutical plants running 24/7 can produce millions of pills a day, for pennies apiece, to retail at ten dollars per tablet. Ching-ching!
“Even better, the government will pay for it all. “National health care,” as you already know is really “national pharmaceutical insurance.” The Feds will pay all right. After all, we sold them on the flu vaccine, didn’t we? Even when it was shown that the vaccine was worthless at best? (1)
“You can see other ways that the Feds listen to us. We have set it up so that Food Stamps cannot be used to buy vitamins. (2) A bag of cookies or a box of donuts, yes. But not vitamins. The ban includes supplemental vitamin D, which is widely known to prevent bone diseases in children and the elderly, and to prevent lung cancer, colon cancer, prostate cancer, breast cancer, and a dozen other cancers. (3)
“Is it just me, or have you noticed how hot it is in here? Well, at any rate, you have all done one Hell of a nice job. Our Boss is proud of you.”
(2) http://www.fns.usda.gov/SNAP/faqs.htm#10 , section 10.
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