Sugar News: All The News That's Epic, And Less Than Epic

Filed in Gather News Channel by on August 6, 2007 0 Comments

Epic News: Ingmar Bergman, great avant garde (and Swedish) filmmaker with a six-decade career (including “The Seventh Seal,” “Personae” and “Fanny And Alexander”), has passed, and with him, Michelangelo Antonioni, Italian filmmaker with a six-decade career (including “Blow-Up” and “Zabriskie Point”). Moviehounds mourn the loss of original, groundbreaking silver-haired artists of the silver screen.

Big News: And over in India, entertainment news hounds-in-saris are all a-quake over Sanjay Dutt, a grizzled Bollywood heartthrob who was just sentenced to six years in prison for possessing weapons sold to him by terrorists who were behind the Mumbai bombings of 1993. Whether he had terrorist intentions or not, Dutt showed “scant respect for the law” according to the judge, who handed down a particularly severe sentence—perhaps to make an example of Dutt to all grizzled Bollywood heartthrobs. No big dance numbers are expected to ensue.

Noteworthy News: John Ritter’s widow Amy Yasbeck is suing his doctors for wrongful death. Yasbeck’s lawyers say the actor had an undiagnosed heart condition that, if caught earlier, would have prevented his untimely demise. His doctors’ lawyers say Ritter didn’t show up for a key X-ray procedure. Nostalgia hounds everywhere say, “We miss Jack Tripper.”

Also Somewhat Interesting News: DNA tests have revealed that there are at least two more children of late soul-man James Brown. While longtime Brown advisor Buddy Dallas will not name names, one LaRhonda Pettit of Augusta, Georgia has given the press the results of a DNA test that shows a 99.99% chance that the 45-year-old retired flight attendant sprung from the loins of the Sex Machine. Although Pettit was once bitter that Brown never acknowledged his paternity, now she is more forgiving, “I love my daddy,” Pettit says. “When I hear my daddy’s music, it just freezes me.”

Not That Interesting News: Speaking of freezing, frostiness seems to be already surrounding the potential “Sex And The City” movie project. Sarah Jessica Parker claims that she is less-than-excited to play designer-heel-sporting Carrie Bradshaw again, citing the fact that her knees are shot from years of sadistically-designed footwear. Plus, Kim Cattrall who played The Sexy Older One on the show has not yet signed on to the project, perhaps because of a longstanding rivalry with Parker. I’d say the girls should just share a cosmo and fugghedaboutit, but supposedly Parker doesn’t drink cosmos. Way to ruin our illusions, Sarah Jessica!

Uninteresting, But Mildly Amusing News: Speaking of illusions and cosmos, David Blaine was recently nearly ejected from a Hamptons nightclub for downing some cosmos of his own. The shock-magician took two drinks from ladies he didn’t know, smashed the glasses on the floor, and was almost shown the door by security guards, before he whipped out a deck of cards and said, “If I can do these tricks, I can’t be that drunk.” Blaine went on to impress the security guards enough to stay in the club. No word on whether he made any other ladies’ drinks disappear.

Uninteresting, Somewhat Annoying News: Apparently, Matt Damon and George Clooney, concerned that their cement footprints on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame would appear too small, bought especially big shoes for the occasion of their footprinting. Both actors heartily owned up to their little size-augmentations: Damon wore 11’s, Clooney, 13’s. Doesn’t the fact that the actors are both admitting the stunt show a certain kind of devil-may-care arrogance? Sort of like, “We’re so confident and non-size-enhancement-needing in other areas that we can joke about wanting especially big footprints”? Oh, Godzilla and Sasquatch, go away and make "Ocean’s Fourteen" already.

Miniscule, Not Interesting At All News: Gary Coleman was just sited for disorderly conduct after having a heated public argument with a woman in his city of residence, Provo, Utah. Gary Coleman lives in Utah. No word on Coleman’s shoe size, or how if he is at all devil-may-care about anything.

I know, I know. We should all just leave Gary Coleman alone.
Til next time.

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A Girl Friday with my eye on the prize: to bring you the latest in hot, scoopy entertainment news.

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