The Coffee Maker and Me See A Shrink(Monday Writing Essential 04/30/12)

Filed in Gather Writing Essential by on April 30, 2012 0 Comments

Shrink:  OK, why don’t we start with you, coffee maker.  Can I call you CM?

Coffee maker: Yeah, I suppose that would be alright.

Shrink: Splendid!  Now what brings you here?

CM: Well, I feel depressed.

Shrink: But you’re loaded with caffeine.

CM: I wish! My pot is empty. 

Shrink: Has anything happened that might be causing you to feel depressed?

CM: Yes…er…I mean no…er…what I mean to say is nothing is happening.  I feel so neglected and unwanted.

Shrink: That’s a darn shame.  GM, perhaps you can shed some light on this.  Why are you here today?

GM: Well, you see, I don’t drink coffee, so I never use the coffee maker.

Shrink: I see.  That explains CM’s feelings of neglect.  But why do you own a coffee maker if you don’t drink coffee?

GM: It was a Christmas gift from a friend who had no idea.

CM: But couldn’t you try me just once?!  Why don’t you invite your ‘friend’ over sometime?!  For a cup of coffee?!

GM: She doesn’t like to drink alone and I won’t drink with her.

CM:  Doctor!  Do you see what I mean?!  Can you see why I’m so depressed?!

Shrink: Yes, I get the picture now.  GM, have you given any thought to re-gifting CM?  A lot of people do that with unwanted gifts–and CM could end up with a less neglectful owner.  

GM: Well, I can’t give CM away–I threw away the wrapping paper and box it came in. 

Shrink: Perhaps you can sell CM to a coffee addict.  Being who I am, I can even make some recommendations.

CM: Oh!  That’s a great idea!

GM: Um…no it isn’t.  CM’s warranty is expired. 

CM: Doctor, do yo see what I have to put up with? My situation is hopeless.

Shrink: I have to concur.  I can’t prescribe meds for a depressed coffee maker…on second thought, there is perhaps one thing I can do.  (He buzzes in his secretary.)

Secretary: (She enters the room.) You called for me sir?

Shrink: Yes, Judith, we’d like some refreshments.

Secretary: Yes sir.  What can I bring you Mr. GM?

GM: I’ll have some water, please.

Shrink: And bring me some coffee in this.  (He hands her CM.)

Secretary: We’re out of coffee.  How about some tea?


This week’s writing challenge: write about the clash between man and machine.


  • A therapy session between you and your coffee maker.
  • Your GPS knows better than you.
  • Cave dwellers ponder whether the invention of the first tool was really such a good idea.
  • You are a lawyer hammering out the proposed merger between man and machine.

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