The Hobbit: What Happens in the Shire Stays in the Shire

Filed in Gather Entertainment News Channel by on November 23, 2012 0 Comments

It appears being in The Hobbit is similar to being in the Mafia when it comes to closing ranks and adhering to the Cosa Nostra code of Omerta if Elijah Wood’s recent bizarre behavior is indicative of the way of the Shire.

The diminutive actor with the big feet has waded into the recent controversy surrounding the filming of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and called the allegation accusing the film’s makers of animal cruelty as the “most ridiculous thing ever.”

Wood who first appeared in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, also appears in Peter Jackson’s new three part adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien’s prequel The Hobbit, and it appears Frodo is frothing at the mouth in a fierce and frantic fury at the possibility that the 500 million dollar trilogy could have been made at the expense of animal welfare.

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Pictured is Elijah Wood:I’ll take the fifth amendment on that and any other question you got for me about my good friends in the Shire you worthless gutter hack! “

Animal handlers who worked on the film have claimed that the makers were responsible for the deaths of 27 animals due to the living conditions at the farm where they were kept, which apparently was filled with bluffs, sinkholes and other “death traps.”

The handlers claimed they repeatedly raised concerns about the farm with their superiors and the production but they fell on deaf ears.

One unhappy handler has gone on record as stating that during filming he personally buried three horses, six goats, six sheep and a dozen chickens.

So serious are the accusations that protest are now planned at The Hobbit’s premieres in New Zealand, the US and the UK by the animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, who are not about to just eat a bacon sandwich and forget about the whole thing.

Yet, despite a spokesperson for Peter Jackson even admitting horses, goats, chickens and one sheep died at the farm near Wellington and that the death of at least two horses were avoidable, accusations of animal neglect have been dismissed outright by Frodo who appears to be adopting a no admission, no guilt like stance when he snarls like Tony Montanna on crack cocaine,”I never saw any of those kinds of conditions when I was down there. All the technicians and everyone who works on the films take the utmost care of the animals that worked on the films.”

The poster boy for people with big, hairy, and unwashed feet then said mysteriously about the complaints leveled at the film, “The timing is so obvious.”

A statement which doesn’t make any sense outside the twisted and torrid realms of conspiracy theorists. What does make sense, is that young Mr Baggins and the rest of his Middle Earth cronies will defend one another and their whimsical millionaire’s playground against the slightest whiff of wrongdoing quicker than you can say “one ring to bind them all.”

And if you say anything different they’ll send old Gandalf around with a horse’s head to put in your bed. Capeesh?

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