Earlier I was speaking with a friend in regards to when someone tells you to heal wounds. That some day you will miss not being able to talk to your parent.
I agree with this to a point. If it is a normal family bicker. Someone wrong about something you don’t agree on. A teen becomes a young adult and thinks mom loves this one more then you. I can go on that is true they should if at all possible bary the past and try to save that relationship.
However, for a child of abuse it isn’t that easy. When a child is abused even mentally or physically cutting ties all together is sometimes best for them. When they keep going back to that relationship it is sometimes even as an adult being on abuse all over.
Something for you that haven’t came from an abused home as a child; you that say bary that hatchet you will one day regret and miss talking to her/him. Lets say it’s a mother who is the abuser. How can you regret that relationship, or talking to them as this person is saying you will miss? For children of abuse this is something that has never been there so missing something you never had isn’t there. However, living a life no longer in abuse is something you can aim for and achieve breaking those ties. See for children of abuse there are things we miss about are parents who are abusers. We miss not having Christmas, Birthdays, family get togethers like we use to. You are asking me what is she talking about? Right? Think about when a child comes out and speaks out. Many times the rest of the family members don’t want to see what happened. Sometimes they are the ones to say bary that hatchet. When you speak out not only are you loosing the parent you never had but the family you did have. When you cut ties you no longer are a part of those family get togethers. For your invatation gets lost in the mail. You miss the phone calls from your siblings that don’t open or aren’t ready to speak out, they may never be ready. Sometimes a sibling wasn’t treated like other siblings. Sometimes the abuse is behind closed doors and when that evidence is there the family just don’t want to admit.
What I am trying to say in all this is when a abused child (who is most likely adult now) tells you they don’t speak to one or both parents. Don’t be so quick to judge that it’s a small family arguement. Sometimes its for the best of that child to heal and go on for them. Don’t think they don’t hurt, because they do on those special occations. What is behind those smiles are sometimes tears. Sometimes they can’t explain it to you for they know you will not understand because you can’t honestly understand. Are they still playing victim? No they aren’t see for a child of abuse they never get over that abuse. They can be happy and yet something will bring out the hurt, just as if you lost something years back.
They hurt for the family they did have, not the family they didn’t.