Tom Cruise has Magical Powers Just Like Gandalf – It’s Official!

Filed in Gather Celeb News Channel by on July 11, 2012 0 Comments

Crazy pint-sized thespian Tom Cruise is not only p*ss poor in the acting stakes, but he can also apparently move inanimate objects with the power of his mind alone and force his stubborn spirit to leave its body at will.

Strewth mate! That’s some pretty out of this world kind of hocus pocus right there. But what is it that turned Tom into such a gifted warlock and cunning wizard capable of bending the laws of physics and nature to his command and travel like a shape-shifting sorcerer through the astral spheres.

Scientology! that’s who. The Church who Cruise has famously sworn his allegiance to, believes the Top Gun Maverick has ‘telekinetic and telepathic powers’

An investigation by Rolling Stone back in 2006 revealed that the 50-year-old Hollywood hot head had already obtained an advanced level of Scientology and was known as an ‘Operating Thetan’ or an ‘OT’.

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My name is Tom (pictured) and I can walk on water you fools!

What in God’s good name is an OT you might well ask. Well, according to the Church of Scientology teachings, an OT does not stand for an ‘Obscure T-t’ but it is the title the church bestows upon someone who has reached a rarefied state of enlightenment after traveling on what is known, wait for it, as the Bridge to Total Freedom.

After 30 years of faithful adherence to a strange sci-fi author’s half-baked philosophy, Tom Cruise is apparently liberated from the physical universe and can physically control matter, energy, space, and time. What’s more he can telepathically communicate with both humans and animals.

Once Scientologists, who many cynics cruelly label as sky pixie worshippers, obtain OT status they can apparently advance to a god-like state, or as it’s more commonly known outside of the Church of Scientology – a messiah complex.

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