For better or worse, a true friend is there. A true friend is there backing you up on all sorts of struggles and adversaries, no matter how though the situation may seem. A true friend knows exactly when your having a bad day just by the way you say “hey” and that true friend knows how to make you instantly feel better.
I have to admit that for 17 years of my life I didn't have a friend whom, I could call a true friend. There was Hugo, he was in my class from kindergarten to fifth grade, but he wasn't someone who I could call a true friend.
You could put any girl in front of him at that early age and he would rather go and try to smooth talk her, than help you out in any way. I'm not saying that that was a bad thing but when I was looking for a true friend, I was looking for someone who was there unconditionally.
For the most part, everybody thought I was crazy. There was no way that I was going to find someone like that to call a true friend. I never gave up though. I made new friends all the time. I was a stranger to no one. By my Junior year in high school almost everybody if not everybody in the school knew me.
Not because I had done something big and great. Not even because I hung out with the preps and was constantly in the in crowd. I got recognition for being a trouble making, teacher hating, butt hole. The people who I had considered my friends where leading my down a path to destruction. Every step that I took was one away from finding that one true friend that I was looking for.
I remember watching “The Pursuit of Happiness” in the summer of '07, thinking to myself that I had been living the wrong kind of life. I was always so fixated on trying to find that one friend that I was blind to everything else that was going on around me. Every time that there had been a person who wanted to get close to me, I pushed them away. I had and still have a fear that something bad will happen to those who I truly care for. So everytime somebody got close enough to me that I truly cared for them, I pushed them away. I was passing up true friends left and right. To concerned with my fear to actually care.
My best friend at the time was a pot crazed lunatic that would surely get me wrapped up in the unforgiving thorny hands of drugs if I didn't change. For three years I had been acting the way he and his friends wanted me too. I was trying so hard to fit in in that niche that I let myself down. I had lost my identity as an individual. I was no longer a unique person, I was a clone of another.
Looking for that true friend had been impossible until I realized that. I wasn't being myself so the friends I had been making were friends with the other, me. The ruthless, cold hearted, mean, sadistic asshole. To find my true friend, I needed to act like me.
In the start of my Senior year, I went in almost friend less. I still had some friends from the year before, but like I said those were the wrong type of friends. I could barely even consider calling them friends anymore.
That year was a year of change for me. I acted myself, reading numerous books, drawing my talents worth, writing poems for everybody, letting my humorous side show, let my shyness down and explored life to the fullest, and most of all my heart melted and a more courteous person was then me.
I made many friends then, most of which were freshman. That's where I meet my true friend. In the freshman class of '07-08.She was and is an amazing person, who slowly but surely gained my full trust and faith. I have enough faith in her that I can place my life in her hands and not worry. She know's me so we'll that if one day somebody writes a biographgy about me, she would be the only one that could really get the story straight.
I had many secrets I liked to keep to myself, dark secrets. I still don't like talking about them because they bring such sad depressive memories to my mind. I feel a lot of responsibility for what went on in those secret events that when I think of them it makes me want to do something terrible to forget them. I think that those secrets would have ultimately turned me into a sour person if I had not told someone about them.
That's one thing that my “true” friend helped me with. She is always there to listen to me and my problems when I needed her. She always gaives me the best of advice and holds me together as an individual.
Now I can see that if I had always been like I am now. I could have many people whom, I could call true friends. Instead of only having her as my true friend, I could have many. I remember in 11th grade there was this girl named Krista Denise Fields. Me and she were like white on a piece of paper. We were always together, always laughing, and always just there. I liked her a lot and I knew that she liked me too.
However the thought of having someone that really related to me freaked me out at the time. Not because I'm gay or, because I'm afraid of a relationship. It was because she had fallen for the wrong person. She hadn't fallen in love with me, she had fallen in love with the monster. If she knew the real me would she still have liked me. I never gave myself the chance to find out. Instead I pushed her away like I always did. In the end I ended up doing something that I will truly regret for the rest of my life. I didn't do anything to her physically, I did something to her much worse. I damaged her emotionally, something I should have never done. It wasn't just like break up emotional pain. It was much worse. I feel like a coward when I think back to what I did. I can't even type it down without this feeling of regret greatly sink into me and paralyze my fingers from typing. I just sit there and feel as tears actually start to form in my eyes.
A true friend is something that we all want and look for in a person. Not everybody gets the chance to meet a friend like that though. I am lucky to have met Laken Danielle Hall, and I am lucky that she didn't give up on me as quick as everybody else had done before. She is a true friend that I can trust and will always remember. (Especially because I have our Smiley Face =] tattooed on my leg with BFF written under it.)
So in ending don't be a fool like I was and shut yourself off from the world. Be yourself and that person who you can call a true friend will appear. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow. It might not even be in the next ten years. However one day that person will show up in your life and change it in ways that are unimaginable. That person will be someone that you will instantly recognize. You'll fell it click in place when you meet them.
If your lucky enough like me. You will get a friend who calls when down and bails you out when you break a $280 window pane at school. When your friend tells you not to worry, don't worry. They know what they are talking about. Being paranoid all day only makes you seem even more guilty.