Change is a part of growth. Confusion is a part of change. The most amazing experiences are usually intense.
Today I am a misanthrope. With passion comes intensity. No one has made the claim that Grosz, Picasso, Carvaggio, Van Gogh, Burroughs, Loy or Joyce, had many friends. They weren't known to be socialites were they? Perhaps their intensity played a major role in their limited circle of friends. It seems that a large number of people in society would rather not be burdened with someone else's ardor or intensity. Maybe it makes them feel uncomfortable. Perhaps they would rather be numb then feel too much. It is for this reason and many more of course that artists are part of the minority. People are too afraid. Maybe they are afraid that by releasing themselves through an art form they will learn more about themselves. Perhaps the thought of not knowing everything about oneself scares people, when really it should intrigue them. Excite them. Remind them that they still have so much more to live for and to be interested in, even if it only has to do with oneself.
Have I ever been lost? Yes. Did I discover my way? Perhaps. Do I hope to find myself lost again and again and again? Yes. Losing oneself is only another reason to rediscover oneself. And every time this happens there is a change and change is usually promising.
Over the weekend I was in an unfamiliar city. If I had gotten lost I would have only become more acquainted with an area I knew little about. I might have had to talk to someone from that unfamiliar area in order to regain my direction and therefore I might have had the pleasure of learning something about someone else. I hope that in this city of myself I continue to stumble across knew places I am unacquainted with. I look forward to being startled by my misdirection and I look forward meeting the people who help me to accomplish eventually learning my way. Those with superb navigation skills can be at a disadvantage in many ways.
In the end Stephen Dedalus still does not completely know himself but his portrait is of an artist and it is wonderfully exciting.