Hot Shot kicked at the pile of translucent dust beneath her Bhut Jolokia plant. This was not fairy dust; it was the skin of aphid eggs. Lately, minuscule aphids decided to nest in Hot Shot’s hot-pepper plant, and this made the little red winged fairy angry enough to plan a course of aphid annihilation. She ground the toe of her black Harley Davidson leather boot into the aphid dust and shouted up at the plant, “It’s on!”
The maneuvers required were beyond the physical dexterity of a wispy fairy barely 1/8 of an inch tall. Often Hot Shot was mistaken for a cadissfly, and once she was captured by an old angler bent on using her to snag a trout on the end of his Orvis fly rod. What needed to be done to spare her Bhut Jolokia plant from the aphid invasion would call for fairy mind-melding.
Trained in the deserts of New Mexico, Hot Shot honed the skills of mind melding her fairy intentions with the thoughts of ingenuous humans unaccustomed to fairy whims. Mastering this ancient technique had not only allowed her to escape the angler’s fly rod, but it also had allowed for her to cohabit with humans in the sunny upstairs office of a natural food co-op in Minnesota.
Hot Shot lived in the yellow teapot that no one ever used or dusted. It sat in a south facing window overlooking the birch tree garden she reigned over in the warmer months. The teapot was her winter home, snug and safe when the snows drifted deep and the temperatures plummeted below zero. It was a pleasant winter home, but lacking in the vibrancy of verdure–live plants.
Using fairy mind-melding, Hot Shot convinced the garden manager to order a packet of Bhut Jolokia seeds from the New Mexico Pepper Institute. Despite skepticism, the gardener successfully germinated the seeds which grew into 15 dark green plantlets. Of course, Hot Shot whispered to each seed and encouraged leaves to unfurl. Soon the birch tree garden was the only one in Minnesota to grow Ghost Peppers. Hot Shot was pleased and used her mind-melding once more to convince the garden manager to bring a plant inside before winter and set it in the window sill next to the dusty yellow teapot.
Now the area in the window was littered with the dust of aphid eggs. Hot Shot convinced the garden manager to wash the Bhut Jolokia plant with Dr. Bonner’s Castile Soap. But the aphids flourished. Next, the gardener felt compelled to dunk the entire plant upside down in a sink full of warm, soapy (organic, of course) water. Still the plant louse lived. Finally, the gardener was struck with the idea (fairy imposed) to trim back the leaves and spray the entire plant with hot pepper spray and wrap it in a clear garbage bag.
This final solution caused a lot of coughing in the office, but once the plant was wrapped, the fumes lessened. Now, the aphid debris were of the tiny little bugs themselves. Dead of a blast from Hot Shot–the fairy whose pepper plant would live another season in Minnesota.