What Does a Kitten, a Dog Named Jack, Two Llamas (Why Llamas?) and a Pink Dolphin (Possibly) Have in Common?

Filed in Gather Writing Essential by on March 3, 2009 0 Comments


Dang it Gather, you knew you couldn't persuade me to invite the people in my daily life to come and roost here when you were doing the numerous writing contests, nor was I persuaded when you had campaigns about 'Mommy time' or any ad campaign which pictured wholesome individuals communicating wholesome messages in front of a computer screen.  You must have asked yourself; what haven't we tried?  Thus you came up with the adorable kitten.  Seriously, how damn cute is that darn cat?  Then there is the dog named Jack whose puppy dog expression could melt butter.  And then there are the llamas…WTF?  I mean I like llamas in theory, but they aren't household pets, at least here in the States, although I can't say the same about Peru.  What the cat and Jack have in common is that I want to hold them, and pet them, and squeeze them, and name them George (Abominable Snowman, Bugs Bunny cartoon). 


          If you are really serious about having a not so everyday animal as a Gather spokes critter try that Pink Dolphin that everyone is blogging about.  Who doesn't love dolphins?  Everyone I know wishes they could keep them in their home as an aquatic monkey butler?  You marry the concept of a dolphin to the color pink and then you advertise that the Pink Dolphin is blogging exclusively on Gahter.com and I guarantee you will have sewn up the 8 – 82 female demographic in the time it takes for U.S. lawmakers to discover that Twittering during a presidential speech is not cool (thus I'm advising you to give the plan some time).


            With all due respect to the gang in Boston, although your new campaign is very persuasive about inviting people I know in my everyday life to Gatherville, I simply can't.  I think the following will demonstrate why.         


            La Lady: Blah, blah, blah, yeah, and so I bought the book 'Coraline.'

            Nameless Friend:  Yeah, I saw that you wrote a movie review of it.

            La Lady: Silence


                        I changed Carolyn's name to Caroline because it worked better. You know, Coraline/Caroline instead of Coraline/Carolyn.  Not the same.


            Nameless Friend:  Yeah, I got that.

            La Lady:  (Panic rises up within me wondering what else she might have read.  In fact a thought goes through my head that it might be best to be proactive – this is a very stupid, stupid thought.)

            Did you see 'Peeing in the Adult Pool?'  (Instantly I know I wish I could delete what just said aloud.)


            It's about you confessing how you urinated in a swimming pool.  (In case my nameless friend didn't catch on by the title.)

            Nameless Friend:  Silence



            More silence.



            A little bit more silence.



            There's no way anyone could identify me?

            La Lady:  No, no, no, of course not!  It's not like I named the pool.  (Yes I did.)

            Nameless Friend: Silence



            More silence.



            Even more Silence.


            That was so long ago I wouldn't think anyone would remember it.

            La Lady: No of course not!  (Actually everyone still remembers it.  Seriously, how could anyone forget?)  I wrote it before the cancer.  (When in trouble use everything you have.  Cancer sucks, but it is a nifty thing to throw out at people so they won't get angry at you – also cough a little for no reason really, it just sets the scene better.)


            Nameless Friend: Silence


            You know that those guys who sit there all day drinking and never get up are peeing in the pool.

            La Lady: Absolutely. 

            Nameless Friend: So it isn't just me.

            La Lady: No, of course not.  (You're just the person who openly admitted in front of thirty people.)




            You want to get together and bead? (I cough a little to emphasize that making jewelry would be a good indoor activity…much better than reading old posts on Gather.)


            It is because I passed the threshold of merely writing short stories not based on people I know and writing reviews on books and movies – I am writing about my life and some of the things I find very amusing about the people I am blessed to have in it (I'm proud to say I have, perhaps not an unabashed, pool peer as a friend!)

            I give Gather a tip of my hat though because it seems as if readership is up on the site and there seems to be vibrant blood joining and writing.  Of course, if you keep up your current clever advertising campaign and things continue as they are I might someday actually bump into someone I know and then there will be an awkward encounter.   


            Nameless Person:  'Peeing in the Adult Pool', I know someone who urinated in that pool, is this about __________?

            La Lady:  I have no idea whom you are talking about.  (Then I 'edit' more than half the things I have posted here.)


Westerfield © 2009   

About the Author ()

I'm non-descript.

Leave a Reply