Why the Olympics?

Filed in Gather Celeb News Channel by on February 25, 2010 0 Comments

You’ve really been phoning it Andrew, you say. I know I know, but the Olympics! Have you seen them? Arbitrary competition between countries with no deeper drama! It’s riveting. What did the Olympics used to be? I have difficulty getting excited, frankly. With no Nazis or Cold War Komplications, it just doesn’t have the same sex appeal. And I’m not pretending to be alive when those things were going on, I just imagine it was more exciting then.

Instead, the Olympics seem like an opportunity for us to show the world how not fat a few of us are. Not all of us, mind you, but we have some of the best athletes money can buy. But it does make you wonder… how much longer. Are the Olympics a fair barometer? I think we’re doing ok, but, as we stand now, America is sort of entering the twilight of its short reign.

Now I’m not going to go off on some huffy rant on the depravity of American culture, but I’m just calmly watching as we sort of get rusty. The New-Country shine is wearing off and we still talk a big game, but meanwhile countries like China and Japan and Russia have been busy actually making something of themselves.

But I’m not sure we care. We still rule celebrity, and for now that’s enough. Do you know that America was named the most attractive country in a recent meaningless poll? And we’re all fat. We only won because our celebrities are so beautiful, but we’re not talking about Native American celebrities are we?

And so that brings us back to the Olympics. We’ll always be ok because we’ll always care about being the sexiest. And that’s all it takes to win gold.

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I like movies, and music, and books, and, sometimes, even fun.

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