Why do we wish our lives away? This is something I have been thinking about quite a bit lately.
At a young age we can't wait until we turn that magical age of 13 years old. I remember being so jealous of my friends in my grade who turned 13 before me. I wanted to be a teenage. I expected it to be the fun times of my life. It really was for me. I got to stay up later, stay home alone, and got to babysit. But along with those fun things I also was expected to start preparing the evening meal, do more chores, and responsible for paying for things I wanted like; that jakcet that I just had to have, going to the movies, bowling, rollerskating, and to pay for part of school clothes.
After turning 13, it wasn't long before I could wait to turn 16 years old. I would be able to have a real job, get my permit, have a boyfriend, and stay up even later on the weekends. Of course, I got to do all of these things. I had a huge Sweet 16 birthday party with a band and all my dear friends who I thought would be in my life forever.
When I got all the fun things at 16 I couldn't wait until I was an adult; 18 years old. Oh life would be so perfect. I could do whatever I wanted, no one could tell me what to do, I could live on my own, eat when I wanted, go to sleep when I wanted, and go where I wanted.
How naive I was. It didn't take long for me to regret my wish. I could do what I wanted if I had the money. I didn't. I ended up living at home with my parents. I fell for a guy who was 6 years older than me and controlling in his own way. I couldn't see the real him…I was in love. My parents tried to tell me, but I tuned them out.
I married him against thier wishes and life went on. We had 3 children and loved me a mother. We worked hard and lead a good life, better than most around us. I turned 31 years old, this is when I started thinking of my life. Who was I? Where had I been? I wasn't happy with my husband (that is another story, lol), so we divorced.
I remarried at 33 years old to the man of my dreams. He encouraged me to go back to college and do what I wanted. By the time my oldest son moved out of the house some of my friends were being grandparents. I wasn't looking forward to this at all. I became a grandmother at the age of 40 and when I saw my grandson for the first time I knew that I was going to love being his Nana.
Just before I turned 40 I wasn't wishing my life away anymore. I wanted time to slow down. Little things like the sun rising, flowers blooming, watching the birds eat at the feeder, listening to the rain and taking walks on a trail made me see life in a different way. Family became more important than ever before.
Life goes by to fast. We need to stop and think of what is really important to us in life.
Middle Age by Sharad
Years are tears,
Falling from my eyes,
Reminding me of the road,
That I left behind.
A precious life,
An era to live,
Nothing to describe.
Far at a distance,
A light is seen,
Can I touch it,
Stir in my mind.