Disclaimer: The following fairly Tale could only have come to being as a result of a challenge created by a very talented writer with a bit of a twisted sense of humor. This incredible author created a challenge that demanded a response. This placed me at the horns a dilemma. I have far too much to do including creating a challenge of my own and I am not sure I can do the challenge justice. I am afraid to identify this person responsible for fear of potential litigation from breaching confidentiality. I can only say that her first name is Pam. Her last name begins with a B and ends with an N. In addition she lives in Arizona. Fortunately this smattering of information is not enough to give her away.
Everyone knows the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. For the longest time children everywhere have enjoyed the story of a little girl who breaks into a house steals food by eating it,vandalizes the house she breaks into by breaking a chair, messing up a nicely made bed and likely shatters an upstairs window when she jumps out of it. The poor bears while victimized and emotionally distraught are never even addressed in the story. There should have been at the very least a police report and the little bear should have had a few weeks minimum of counseling but no not even a word of it in passing.
Recently two groups have taken an interest in stopping the further spread of this crime story. One group called Folks who are united to rebuke those who harm animals in any way or FUR have filed a class action law suit against all publishing companies, book sellers and book readers who have anything to do with spreading this crime sheet. They are only asking for enough money so that someone, anyone can rewrite Goldilocks and the 3 bears as a story that does not advocate harming bears or more specifically brown bears who they claim the story is about. The paltry amount that they are asking for is a mere one billion dollars.
At the same time a group of blonds got together though it did take them several times to find a place, date and time to meet as following directions for any of them is not easy. This group is called Blonds Aint So Dumb or BASD. No one in their group really knows if the acronym means anything or not. At any rate they are trying to file a class action lawsuit against anything or anyone who might put blonds in a bad light including this story who they think is blondist . When pointed out that in the story Goldie was a pretty smart cookie. She was sharp enough to know the three bear’s schedule, when to enter the house and even where to jump out of the house without hurting herself when the bears came back sooner than they should have. BASD wasn’t happy to have these facts pointed out to them but have decided to go forward with a lawsuit against whoever sells, buys or even reads Goldie Locks and the 3 bears. The lawsuit says the group wants to give one billion dollars to anyone who publishes,sells or reads the story or something. They are trying to rewrite the amount that they are asking for but since the attorneys are blond this is not an easy task.
As one who would like one billion dollars or something I present a revised version of this tale.
Ginger Locks grew up in a poor family but had dreams big dreams. She was a great looking kid and incredibly smart but she had more than good looks and intelligence she had moxie lots of moxie. With all that she had she could have been happy and rich but she had something else in her heart of hearts that drove her. She had ambition, wanted and needed to be powerful. She was a born politician. When most children wanted to grow up to be physicists, nuclear engineers, chemists or podiatrists from an early age Ginger wanted to be a politician. As soon as she reached age 18 Ginger was elected as a city counsel woman but the the political arena in her town was too small. She then ran for Congress but it was too soon and she lost. Her defeat was too cold, to hard and too sour. She vowed to never again lose an election. She grew more determined willing to do whatever it took to get elected. She researched long hours to find out what would be the best political office for her to win to help her in her quest. The state capital was her smartest election to run with the weakest opponent so she ran for and won a seat in the state senate and the seat was just right.
This fed her political ambitions but she knew that she needed money because the money that she had in her war chest was way too small so she began to ask her friends and family for money but the money was too small and too cold. She then asked for money from big donors like millionaires but the money was too hot. She them pursued lobbyists and PACS and the money was just right.
With all of her money she ran for for Governor and won. The bed in the Governor’s mansion was just not soft enough. After two years as a governor she became part of a ticket running for President but her running mate was too dumb and the election was lost. The beds in the hotels she slept in while running for vice president were to hard and too lumpy. That being said she had impressed the right people even in the other party and she became Ambassador to China. Her bed in the embassy was comfortable but it too was not the right size or the right shape. She had power all right but it was too far away. She was too lonely. Her friends the lobbyist and the PAC men convinced her to run for President. With their blessings she ran and won. She became the first woman president and for Ginger everything was just right.
For Ginger being president was just right. The food was just right, her chair was just right and her bed was just right. Everything was just so right that she wanted to stay president for four more years and so she did. Sadly even for Ginger Locks just right never lasts and so at the end of 8 years just right finally came to an end. Sadly for the rest of her life she never had the power she had in those 8 years as president and nothing was ever just right again. What you were expecting a happy ending? Did Goldilocks and the 3 bears really end happily? Not a chance. Besides this isn’t a fairy tale this a fairly tale……..duh.*
*Now that the story has ended there still is an unfinished part of it to address. Who are the three Buyers? Who cares………….done.
Now are you happy Pam?